2004-08-07 - 4:25 p.m.

GGRRIILLOO knows the stuff. Lookie. We's all gonna die, see. If Gorge Boosh don't keel us first.

The most dangerous of all supervolcanoes are not the mountain ones, but the huge collapsed craters called calderas, which be hard to detect. It's common knowledge among geologigogists that Yellowstone National Park is an enormous caldera, und erupts in a world-class level event every 600,000 years or so. We is 200,000 years overdue.

During der month of July alone, one hundred and thirty-two earthquakes were located in the Yellowstone region. The largest during this period was a magnitude 2.3 on the Andy Richter scale. This erfquake occurred on July 17, 2004 at 2:49 PM. It's become such a regular occurence that the media don't even bother to report on such things no mo, unless they needs some kinda hoomin int'rest story to fill time with, if there's no handy soft stories about bake sale fundraisers for organizations like "People Pretending to Help Kids for a Brighter Tomorrow", someone's cat who can do somersaults, or funny farmers who make folk art out of teethpaste.

But like Pastor Grillo is a-tryin' to tell you, see, Yellowstone's gonna blow chunks soon and there may be no one left to clean it up. Since 1925, a large portion of the park in the caldera area has risen 80 meters since 1925, and has pooged out over 2 feet higher in just the last 5 years. The lake is now tilting because the land mass beneath part of it is bulging upwards. This indicates a MASSIVE buildup of gas and magma under the crust of the earth, unlike anything dot has efer happened in mankind's existence. Pompeii was nothing compared to this festering boil that could POP AT THE DROP OF A SPORK, PICNIC BOY!!

Some guy on the radio show "Coast to Coast A.M." sez that when the Supervolcano blows, it will cause an immediate nucular winter of dirt and ash in the air over the entire world for 2 years and crops will be impossible to grow during that time. Then again, peoples on that show have also said such preposterous things as there being feral humans wandering around in the woods.