2005-02-26 - 7:26 a.m.

JUST A MINUTE THERE BOY!!! I ISN'T FINISHED TALKIN' ABOUT SMURFS YET.

Old Maj. Grillo (ret.) has a few words to say about the most singular greatest-est eppysode of Smurfs, and you know what that is: of course, it's the one where they all turn into purple zombie Smurfs.

That's right, you heard right, Purple Zombie Smurfs. See, there's this mysterious insect (musta been radio-ective) that bites Lazy Smurf, making him turn purple and violently, rabidly, insane. He begins spreading this virus to other Smurfs by biting them on the butt, turning them purple and insane and biting other Smurfs on the butt in turn, making a frightening "g'nap! g'nap!" sound all the while.

Eventually all the Smurfs are zombies except for Papa Smurf, who has locked himself in his laboratory working on a cure for this mysterious virus. Just as he perfects the cure in the form of a magic powder, the army of Purple Smurfs break in, screaming "g'nap! g'nap!", and proceed to attack Papa Smurf.

He too is bitten on the ass and becomes an insane zombie like the rest, smashing his laboratory and starting a fire. An explosion ensues, distributing the magic powder all over the village and returning everyone to normal.

WATER YOU LAFFIN' ABOUT?? I AIN'T MAKIN' THIS SHIT UP, MAN!!!!