2005-02-25 - 9:47 a.m.

Burp.

See, here's what worrieses me: if Smurfette was created, Golem-like, by evil occultist Gargamel, and Sassette was created from the same magical clay, does that mean that der female Smurfs do not exist naturally in the wild? Does it mean that Smurfs do not reproduce natural-like? And if not, how in the Sam Hell does they reproduce?

And CAN Smurfette function sexually, if not reproductively? Has anyone tried?

Furthermores, how does ve explain Nanny Smurf, who vas born hundreds (maybe thousands) of years before Garglemel's magickal clay, boy? What ABOUT THAT, HUH?

Even more cornfusing is that there are four distinct generations in the Smurf village: Grandpa and Nanny's, then Papa Smurf, then the multitude of youngsters that make up most of the population (Brainy, Clumsy, Handy, etc.), und den dere is liddle Baby Smurf, who (we have absolute dogumented evidence) was brought by a stork. Where does the Stork get these babies? Has anyone ever attempted to follow this Stork back to his headquarters?

Clockwork Smurf dishtresses me, Grillo, greatly as well, Azrael. It's s'posed to be a crude mechanical Smurf built by Handy Smurf but looks surprisingly lifelike and acts like it possesses consciousnesh and free will. The thought I'm thinkin', thee, is that the Thmurf is actually a Frankensteinish hodgepodge cyborg of mechanical parts and real Smurf parts. If Smurfs can be created from clay, why not other thubstances? eh? HAH?

In fack, there IS a whole undercurrent of "creation myth" goin' on mit der Smurfies... praps they's ALL created like clones or test tube babies, each of them created for their own special societal purpose, which would exshplain why each of them have such one-dimenshional personalititties and fill a very specific niche in the communistic Smurf structure of stuff, see. Gosh.