2005-02-23 - 3:30 p.m.
YONG YONG YONG ONG ONG ONG ONCH ONCH ONCH
(that's the sound of yours truly chewing gum)
So, like, if Devils are fallen angels who left Heaven and said "screw you guys, I'm goin' home", why did that God guy just stand there and LET them? I mean, he COULD have stopped them, ya know, I mean, he IS GOD and they're just minions. I mean, FUCK, dude, he killed EVERYONE ON EARTH in a giant flood when they displeased him, except for Noah and crew, and he made Noah build the goddamn ark himself. Couldn't he have at least made one, you know, suddenly magically appear the way he does with manna and bushfires and wheels in the sky and shtuff?
But noooooo, God just stands there like a lump while Satan packs his bags and runs away to join the circus. And somehow even though Satan was a peon when he was workin' for Godco, he suddenly has this VAST POWER after he leaves, enough power to start his OWN competing afterlife realm (that "hell" joint) across the street.
In der Bible a feller named Job asks God straight-up, "hey man, what's up with this Satan stuff? If he's ruining your lawn, why don't you just PUT A STOP to him?" And God, in his infinite wisdom, says only this:
Hath thou an arm like the Lord?
I don't even wanna think about what he meant by that. But it reminds me of the time my Aunt Norma caught me tryin' to stick my pigwhistle into a loaf of bread in the attic in 1972. I tried to bluff my way out of it by acting like there was a perfeckly logical reason for what I was doin', but that I was not authorized to discuss such a mission, if in fact it did exist, and really, it's such a complex complicated matter that you wouldn't understand anyway. I think God was tryin' to do the same thing with his non-sequitur mystical-b.s. answer to Job.
Remember God's zen koan trick, kids, next time you're asked a question you can't answer:
Q: Who are you and what are you doing in my bedroom?
But that was only Segment 674233J of my brain talkin', see. Segment 23420P knows durned well that God didn't not neither say none 'o that slop, it was just wine-addled musings of some bearded nutbar from another place, another time, which got totally fuct up anyway after the Apostle Paul, King James, and more Popes than you can shake your pecker at rewrote the whole thing to suit them. And Segment 78253K is convinced that Satan actually REPENTED and said "I'm sorry, can I come back and work for you as an undercover agent?"
Segment 196231E believes that Soap Monsters from the planet Meemoo are peeing in my luggage.
A: Why does the butterfly feed on a dead monkey's hand?
